is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
