He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
