I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
