i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
