the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
this will be a night to untag.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
