I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
