So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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