I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
