She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
