Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
