thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize