I think my vagina is haunted
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
