Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
