she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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