normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize