I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
