The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
