I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
