I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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