Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
