My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
