i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
