i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
