i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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