Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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