Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
