My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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