I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
