I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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