i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
