i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
