I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
