what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize