Plan B is the new Plan A
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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