some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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