haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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