I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
