P.S. I can't hear my feet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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