Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
