yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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