in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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