Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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