I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's like iHOP with fire
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
