You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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