So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
