I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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