Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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