If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
