If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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