I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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