He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize