The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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