i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
