Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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