I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
