im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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