If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize