I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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