i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
