We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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