chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
