What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
