:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
