OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
