Will you blow on my dice?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
