Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
