Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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