No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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