Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
