She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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