so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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