i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
