Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
