How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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