Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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