i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
