i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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