3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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