Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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