Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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