Apparently you make a good broom.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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