At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize