Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
