Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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