we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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