it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This toilet bowl is my home.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize