So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
