when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize