how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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