Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize