She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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