Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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