"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
