I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
sex in a hospital.. check
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
