i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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