Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
