I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
