another moral hangover. fuck.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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