Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just cropdusted the office
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
