I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
