How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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