is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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