what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize