I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
