I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
