but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
