Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I see more hoeing in ur future
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