just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
