Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
