Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize