I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
