Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Randomize
