oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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