I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
