If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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