I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
