Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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