He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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