NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
